This forum isn’t something that comes natural for me. In fact, at this point in my life, I avoid attention at all cost. I am broadcasting my progress for two reasons: First and foremost, I want my story to help someone. It could be someone who hasn’t begun to deal with their past, or, it could be someone who has, but has avoided therapy for whatever reason. Hearing someone else’s story really helps. I was helped by former NHL star Theo Fleury who wrote a book “Playing with Fire” about being sexually abused by a hockey coach at a young age . When I sent him an email detailing my life and how reading his story made me face my past, I didn’t expect a response. Three hours later I had an email from Theo offering his compassion and some suggestions for my journey forward. He suggested a great resource for male victims of sexual abuse, www.1in6.org , and he suggested that I seek therapy, specifically EMDR. Since there are so many stigmas out there about going to therapy (especially for men like me), I would like to provide other victims of sexual abuse a glimpse into what therapy is like, without having to enter it themselves. I would have benefitted from something like this as my family and I dealt with my mess of feelings for months before I was ready to seek professional help. If therapy doesn’t work for me, then I want people to see that also.
The second reason is that I enjoy writing - much more than I enjoy talking about this stuff, and I think having a writing outlet will be good for me as I go. I haven’t told my therapist that I started this blog, so if my entries come to an abrupt halt, you’ll know what happened.
I hope to be as honest as humanly possible. I hope I don’t offend anyone, especially my wonderful parents. Along with them, my incredible wife, siblings, in-laws, and genuine friends are so important to me, and they are a big reason I am forcing myself through all of this.
To others who have travelled a similar path as I have, you are inspirational. I get stronger every day hearing your stories and knowing there are many of us who will live the incredible lives we deserve through mutual support and perseverance.
I just found this today, and thank you for it. I havent finished reading it all yet, but I read your main page today (We are the cure) and I read the letter about Bill Zeller and bawled my eyes out. I was just saying we are the cure earlier this week. Im tired of being silent about it because its awkward or uncomfortable, while it continues to happen at an alarming rate. I’m 31, my abuse ended when I was 9, and I can relate to Bill’s letter all too well, though I am female. I’ve not been to therapy since I was 9, so I have been trying to deal with it all on my own. Some days Im perfectly fine, but the dark days definitely seem darker. I’m scared, I’m angry, but Im also relieved I’m not alone. I know that I’m not, but to know the thoughts and feelings in my head are so similar to others who’ve been through this, is a relief im not crazy…sometimes I’ve wondered. I thank you for this, though I am sorry that you, or any survivors, have experienced it at all. I hope your stories and information gives me the courage to stop being afraid.
Felicia – It was great to hear from you. As far as I know, if people make you feel awkward or uncomfortable about your story, then you need to move along and find those who understand – those who acknowledge the larger problem, instead of just their own challenges. You have dealt with so much. Don’t feel like you need to go it alone. Please don’t be afraid. We are all here – some more silent than others.
Chris,
I wanted to respond to your website and thank you for your courage. I put the link to my book, The Truth About Whales, because I wanted you to know you are not alone in any way. There are lots of survivors out there. Part of what my book talks about is surviving childhood sexual abuse and the guilt that we carry with us — the fear of anyone finding out or that somehow what we say won’t be believable. I commend you on your blog and your writing is very clear, direct and easy to understand. That’s a lot more difficult than a lot of writers realize. I didn’t feel like I was being talked “at” — rather talked “with.” Thank you for including me in your journey and I will try to promote your site, here.
Chris, awesome work-I’ve done some EMDR and it is an amazing tool-I hope to see more of your posts/sharing on MS.
Thanks for putting yourself out there.
Mountainous Buck – thanks for the support. MS is a little daunting for me – so many strong people with so many stories all in one place. I look forward to being an active participant – what a great resource. Thanks again. Regards. Chris